At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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