just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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