Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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