you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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