come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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