It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
