just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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