The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
