You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think my fart just growled at me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize