And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
