summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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