even my farts smell like vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
