Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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