Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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