Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
