We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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