Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
