okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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