Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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