Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
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im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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