someone threw a dead crab at me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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