Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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