I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
