Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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