I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just google imaged poop.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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