So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
