if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
