I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
