thus making me awesome and them whores
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
