Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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