I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
