We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
