I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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