He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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