i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
