I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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