1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sobbing to NWA
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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