Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
