omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he thought i was a dude.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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