yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
