I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
