Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
