Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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