its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
