i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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