the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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