Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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