Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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