Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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