I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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