I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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