My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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