you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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