When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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