The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize