I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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