You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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