if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
