'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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