Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize