He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
