Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
